Maybe it's just Christmas blues, but I feel like crap.
I am trying not to let it get to me, so far I'm not doing so well.
This is going to be a pretty good Christmas I hope . I have plenty of family to spend it with and I am really happy about that.
But this is probably the all time poorest I have ever been (financially speaking) at Christmas ever.
I know I am missing the point of Christmas, I know. What I mean is, I'm not missing the point as much as it is blurred by my feelings of inadequacy.
I am sure my family will love me even though I can't give them much for Christmas, I also can't really afford to help anyone else out, and that makes me feel bad.
I know this is just a passing phase, I have been here before and I made it out. I'm pretty confident I will make it out again.
No matter how broke I am, at least I am not in prison for Christmas. Not much has been worse than that for me.
Anyway, I hope it is a really great Holiday for all of us and we all feel loved and needed.
Peace
Showing posts with label crap. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crap. Show all posts
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Thursday, March 06, 2008
there is nothing good to say
Right now , I totally hate my life. I wish it wasn't like this . But, it is.
I know it could be worse, Not having an easy time seeing that right now. I guess today is just one more shining example of how much I miss the mark, my laziness, my inadequacies, my general lack of life skills.
Yeah so I'm not the greatest parent, Who is? Show me some great example of the perfect parent and I'll show you some one who knows how to lie pretty good and has some skeletons in their closet. I feel pretty hurt and pretty mean right now. I guess for me they go hand in hand.
Maybe some sort of defense mechanism?
Yeah , you know I dropped out of high school, did a bunch of drugs, got married to young ,ended up in prison, alienated my kids, family and everyone else that mattered to me. Looks like I have finally screwed things up here until my new wife is pretty sick of me too. Well , I guess that is how my life is going to go.
I really thought that we had something that would endure, we are so strangely suited for each other. But I have one skill and that is messing everything up. So here I go again. The one woman who was Just nuts enough to want to make it with me through this life is tired of my crap too. Can't say as I really blame her.
I know it could be worse, Not having an easy time seeing that right now. I guess today is just one more shining example of how much I miss the mark, my laziness, my inadequacies, my general lack of life skills.
Yeah so I'm not the greatest parent, Who is? Show me some great example of the perfect parent and I'll show you some one who knows how to lie pretty good and has some skeletons in their closet. I feel pretty hurt and pretty mean right now. I guess for me they go hand in hand.
Maybe some sort of defense mechanism?
Yeah , you know I dropped out of high school, did a bunch of drugs, got married to young ,ended up in prison, alienated my kids, family and everyone else that mattered to me. Looks like I have finally screwed things up here until my new wife is pretty sick of me too. Well , I guess that is how my life is going to go.
I really thought that we had something that would endure, we are so strangely suited for each other. But I have one skill and that is messing everything up. So here I go again. The one woman who was Just nuts enough to want to make it with me through this life is tired of my crap too. Can't say as I really blame her.
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