Yeah

I thought I was slow the last time between posts, I guess I beat that one this time.
My life is going ok I guess, I could complain but I'm not sure it would do any good.
The kids are all doing ok in school, Calvin is reading and sounding out almost everything he sees, hears or says.
It's really cool to watch kids grow up, even though I have a certain amount of anxiety about that.
That's mostly due to some bad choices by my oldest 2 kids. My 17 year old is in jail, again; I can't believe it.
But I love him and he didn't hurt anyone. So I hope he just doesn't end up going to prison or something. I can't believe how stupid people can be ( especially when they are my kids).
So once again, things could be better, but they are what they are and I will live and hopefully we will all learn to be productive members of society. Hmm, maybe I would settle for well adjusted and content.
I think that the 3 younger boys are pretty well adjusted, hard to say really what they will choose though. We try to do our best for our kids, I think sometimes that really pays off and sometimes they will go on to wreck every life that touches theirs with complete disregard for every one around them.
I was pretty selfish & stupid when I was young and I understand that it's harder than ever for kids to make the right choices. Things that were little mistakes for me can be huge setbacks for my kids, life changing even.
I wish I could change so much of my life, I have a load of regrets for the life that I have lived
I have caused a lot of pain for people who loved me, some of them still do (shocking I know) and my life is nothing like what I though t it should end up like.
But, there is still joy; there is still passion. There are still moments that I wouldn't trade for any thing, so I guess it was worth it, sort of.

OK actual conversation at breakfast.

C: name your favorite star wars character
A.J.:can it be my own creation?
C: A.J.! Amerigo isn’t in any of the movies!
A.J.:AHHH! Well, then I don’t have my second answer, I only have one.
C:What is it?
A.J: Luke
C:What about Mace Windu?
A.J.: Hate Him , purple light saber.

I think we can all learn a valuable lesson here.
If you figure it out will you let me know?

Just an update

I don't have anything really important to blog about that I want to make public knowledge (yet). So I figured I would just say that some recent events have been pretty chaotic and nerve rattling.
The situation with my 15 year old gets better then worse( hopefully we will be on an upswing very soon) He is not taking the diversion program very seriously at all right now but I plan to give him a wake up call when we have to report on Tuesday.
That is just about all I have to say about that , except that this really hurts me that after all of this and his seemingly changed attitude, that he would start to take advantage of the situation again just because he feels there won't be any repercussion. I plan on making sure that he takes this seriously, because I really love my son and I really do want him to succeed in this program and have no criminal record at all. But I don't want him to merely get through it, I want him to do the program and become a better person because of it. I know that he has the potential to be a really great man and there is a lot of good in him. He just hides it really well sometimes.

The other stuff I really want to write about that is in the forefront of my thoughts almost all of the time I don't feel at liberty to post because of the extremely minute chance that the wrong person might read it. I do plan on laying out the whole story sometime in the not so distant future.
In other news, we gave Otis to the county 2 days ago. I felt like crap (still do) and I know that in some way I failed him and that is why this happened. He was such a good dog in so many ways and he absolutely freakin loved me for pretty much no reason at all. I did almost nothing for this dog and Johanna joked about what a huge betrayal it was that he would want to come home and sleep with me most nights. I also loved Otis. I am still trying to process the incident and what I could have done to change the way it happened. But the harsh truth is, He was a huge risk. This was the third bite. This was technically "provoked" because of the food issue. I was a little surprised to hear that when the dog officer came to the house.
But the other bites made no sense what so ever and just the fact that he was nervous and was easily frightened into biting was really risky with a dog that weighed more than 3 of our 4 kids at home.
I am vaguely familiar with the theology that points animals not being eternal (beings that is) but deep down I hope I get to see Otis some day again and am able to apologize and tell him how much I loved him and how much joy he gave me.
I hope he wasn't too afraid when they did what they had to do.