Monday, September 05, 2011


Times are pretty tough all over, I know that.
 I have worked hard pretty much always kept a job and yet, we are living leaner than ever before.
 Sure there are things we still get to do, but sometimes it just seems like  all the work never pays off.
Yeah I guess it's a little whiny, We did go to sea world this summer, but not because we could really afford it.
 We just wanted to give the kids a special fun time to remember about the summer, because most of it was pretty hot & boring.
       I feel bad because I was able to work less and give my older kids more back in the 80's.
I'm at a loss for what to do right now, I have lots of ideas but the only way I can guarantee I will make more is to work more. I am considering getting a part time job, if I can find the right gig.
 Every other idea I have involves risking money I can't afford to risk right now. Maybe when business picks up for Johanna we will be in a better position to take a risk. I do know of one job I can probably get if I try, but it is even farther away from here than my regular job and I'm not sure what hours they want and I have to keep my regular job. I am finding out more about it, but I have doubts that it will be what I need although it's a job as a line cook & I will probably get paid well ( plus that is my favorite thing to do in the world).
   I have thought about going back to school, maybe getting a business degree ( since what I really wanted to study is totally not an option at this point in my life) .
     What ever happens, it will all work out. I have to believe that. Been getting a little depressed lately
nothing to bad but some days it's hard to function. There are so many people in the world worse off, we have food, we have a home. Plenty of people would envy where we live.It is just still such a day to day struggle to make everything work. I guess I'm just tired.
 There is still the issue of my older kids, they are both causing me some stress lately.
 I worry about them both. I wonder if they will even outlive me. At least one of them I seriously doubt.
 I hope they both do though and are able to be happy, have peace in their lives.
 For them but also for my mom and for my own well being.
 So, I'm a mess, nothing new really same old crap.
     I wonder sometimes if God really has a plan for my life, it seems like all I ever do is damage control.