Thursday, January 22, 2009

SO, I am like all neurotic & stuff; or just scared.

I guess I am not a very good blogger..
I haven't posted in a while, mostly because of the stuff I am trying to sort out in my life.
Still things are kind of a mess and I feel like I am on the brink of total destruction.
I mean I found an add today, for a dishwasher( at a steakhouse) that was for $7.50 an hour and specified that you have NO CRIMINAL BACKGROUND.
Seriously folks, this is a crappy job. What the hell?
Are things really as bleak as this? Just because someone has made a few mistakes (or even one) they can't get a crappy dish washing job at a steakhouse?

I am really hopeful about the future of our country. But speaking as an ex-felon I really hope that all employers don't get this fearful and never hire anyone who has a conviction.
I mean let's just consider the natural consequences of this type of thinking.
If we all say that people who have committed a crime in the past are too risky or not worthy of employment, what will happen?
You take people who have crossed the line in the past and you stigmatize them to the point that they can't support themselves and what, don't we realize that eventually it will be too much for that person to bare?
Isn't that a form of discrimination? Sure, I can see when laws are in place that make it illegal for a violent convicted felon to do certain jobs. I can understand that. But if they can't get a job even doing dishes, what will they do? What is to keep them from turning to crime to try to survive?
I guess I take it personally when people shut me down before they even really talk to me. Hey I will be the first to admit that I made some mistakes, but I'm no threat to anyone and I have a family to support.
What if I lose my job, I am glad I haven't but I have evidence that points to the fact that at least one person wants me to lose my job, and I really don't know why.
I don't know what I have done wrong to this person and the way they are trying to get rid of me seems very underhanded.
Today I put in about 10 applications to various jobs. I have not one good lead on a new job or even a part time second job. Well, maybe one but that's about it and I don't know what it will pay yet.
I had been very fortunate, I worked hard and was promoted shortly out of prison and I was able to get a really good job, then leave that one and go right into another. I really thought that this was the best choice for me, this last job I took. I am home every night, it's a very peaceful environment and the pay isn't bad. Now it's all about politics (something I have never been good at). I hate games, this is my life not a game. I am so worried about getting laid off or fired for no good reason and not being able to find something else. I also worry about losing this place, My wife & kids love it here and I like it. We got out of the neighborhood that made my wife nervous because of the drug and gang activity, this is such a better place for the boys. If I lose the job, it's pretty likely I won't be able to stay here and that sucks. But I am trying really hard to trust that what is best will happen and if that means we have to leave then I will try to make the best of it. But I won't like it, and I will try really hard not to hate the people who are making it their personal business to sabotage my life and my families well being.
Because I feel like I have put much love into my work and I have grown into a relationship with several of the monks that I work for. I know that most of them are happy with the job I am doing. But what ever happens happens.
I hope you all have a great night.

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Employment issues


So, maybe that was a bit uncalled for, sorry for that.
But, it's true.
I have sent out more resumes in the past few days than collectively in my entire life.
of course I didn't used to send out anything, I just went to the place that looked like I might be able to get a job and viola I got a job. Things have changed. Now, everyone wants you to apply online, and send a resume, and submit to a background check. Oh I also forgot the part about not wanting to pay crap.
Well, slight exaggeration on my part; they actually do want to pay crap(sorry about that too)
I should feel very blessed to still have a job, actually I do. I just really was hoping that I would be doing a little better than I am now and things are really tight. We do have this great house and live out in the country now (adding another challenge to my "part time " job hunt)
And our lifestyle changes have been pretty wonderful (except for the fact that I can't get high speed internet in any form other than satellite) and I am really grateful for the way things have worked out so far. Even my somewhat estranged son is doing pretty well living apart from us for now. I am happy about that and sad that he couldn't do better living here, or at the other house. But he is doing better and may be out of trouble soon and (Hopefully) on his way to being a productive , well adjusted member of society.
But I am still stressed over money and the fact that it has recently come to my attention that my job could disappear without much warning.. Or at least that is how it feels, maybe this is about trusting God..
I still feel the need to look for other options while trying really hard not to worry and trust that we will be ok and God has not brought us this far to abandon us.
But many people have lost jobs and homes and money.
The whole world is worried about what will happen next. So what should I do?
I wish I had some deep spiritual truth to talk about but what is on my mind is money & the lack there of. We are fed, we have enough and I guess I should be really thankful for that..
I hope you are all doing well and not worried in the least about your job security or money.