Friday, January 11, 2008

The journey

Today was a good day. I mean it could have been worse. I was at work all day and I guess it was ok. I pretty much just deal with my job right now . I never really had a dream f being a restaurant manager I just ended up doing it so I could use what skills I do have to make a little more money than I was making. Since we have a household of 6 people right now and was 7 at one time, I felt we needed the security of that salary.
I guess there is no real point to this dialog except that I feel more and more that maybe there is something else I should be doing. The problem I guess is that I have made so many bad choices in my life that I don't have a lot of options.
I keep getting this sense that I'm not living out my faith the way I am meant to. I try to be as real as I can, not easy in the restaurant biz. It's actually part of the job to kind of fake like you love every person that comes in with money. Sometimes I really like my job, sometimes I really hate it.

I wonder how contextual my role in this place is. Does what I do every day make any difference at all in the world? Does my life make any sense in relation to the kingdom of God? I wonder.
I know that God is real, I know from personal experience that He cares about me. While He owes me nothing, not even an explanation or any kind of demonstration, He has taken the time and initiative to show me certain things , like for instance, love. So here I am , I find my self in a place where for the most part I did not plan on wondering if in fact God can use this mess that is my life. I think I already know He can, it just seems impossible to me sometimes. I wonder how many people feel the same way I do right now? I am confident that this is not the end of the story and that there are great things ahead. I just have really bad vision at times.

Sunday, January 06, 2008


Yes that's right folks you heard it here , ummm... well just now. I really do ask anyone, I am no good . Just thought I would let you guys know , thanks .

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

New Year

Man am I tired .
Last night we stayed up way too late ( watching Mystery Science Theater) and I had to work all day ,I did get to sleep in a bit though , so that was cool.
I am really hopeful for this year, I am trying not to put any huge expectations on any of us for this year but I am extremely hopeful.
I think it's going to be good, we have pulled all 4 of our (still living at home) kids out of public school. Johanna And I both agree that the way things are going here in public school is not what we want for our kids. So far so good , we haven't really done that much in the way of school yet , but they were going on vacation any way so we let them have a break. In the next few weeks we will see what unfolds in our home.
I also made a resolution to make no resolutions, usually they are just a set up for failure and why put yourself through that? I really don't see the point. I think that if I want to something about me or the way I do something the answer is not to wait for a new year, but to take that moment and decide to change it right then.
I am also very hopeful about my oldest son , who is in jail right now. I hope that God will apprehend him similar to how the police did. I know God has been working on him because prayers have been going up for some time for Tim. I just want him to be able to live a good life and to be able to look back and say it wasn't just a waste. I know inside he wants a good life , he has just been buying into the lies of the enemy and has royally screwed up his life, but I believe that it can change.
There are a lot of things that I would like to change in my life , not all are easy to do for instance I would like to work less. But, this seems extremely far fetched right now. I would have to change jobs( a very scary prospect for me) and I don't really have any great marketable skills. Sure I have a lot of good general knowledge and i can cook pretty good. But cooking is not the best occupation when you have 4 kids at home. I am a manager not because I love to manage or I like to tell people what to do, but because I can count on that paycheck to be at least so much every time. it's a trade off I guess. Of course if I could find a job with 401k, insurance and make like $15 per hour I would probably take it , especially if I could work days.
When I was younger I used to work for a pretty good company and work like 35-40 hrs per week. I really didn't know how good I had it. I had so much more free time, people often times don't realize how valuable that free time is. I used to take my canoe to work with me in the morning and if I got off early I would go fishing or just paddling around the mangroves for a couple of hours. Yep that part was pretty cool.
Any way I am looking at this year with optimism and trying to think about what I would like to see happen in this upcoming year. I know that my spiritual journey (and ours) is taking some new turns. The way I think about Church has been evolving for some time and my wife agrees with me for the most part. We didn't go to a church for a while just because of the difficulty we had getting there for an 8:30 a.m. service , plus the pastor that made us feel so welcome as a couple left and they still have no pastor.
I feel kind of like we gave up on them, but not really it was mostly just really hard for me to get there when I am usually working on Sat. night and @ noon on Sundays.
So, we found a church and we both think God has led us there. It has been a process and if a year ago some one had told me they were thinking the way I have been thinking , I would question their salvation, so much can change in a year.
So I guess that's where I am at. Big changes for our family , for our church, hopefully they will be good. Either way, we will press on and try to live the best way we know how.