Tuesday, July 31, 2007


So far I have done absolutely nothing about my belly.
I am disgusted but I have had very little time to work out . Maybe after I get off of here I will go do something . The only problem is , I am so tired right now . I worked from noon till about 10 p.m. . It is very hard to get motivated , I did avoid pork for the most part today. I think if I could afford to eat sushi every day for lunch I would probably be doing a bit better. The whole BBQ thing is not working to my advantage, it's just too easy to get a sandwich and call it lunch . Another obstacle is we have like my favorite French fries in the world (THEY ARE SOO GOOD!!) I think if anything gets me it will be the fries .
Any prayers would be much appreciated because I don't think I can do this .
Sincerely ,

Saturday, July 28, 2007

My Workout Plan

Time is a killer.
I realize today that I am getting older (38 ) and I am getting fat. ok I have been fat , but it wasn't all that long ago I was in pretty good shape ( like 4 years ago ) . Between work , & family I don't have much time to work out or much desire to . So what do I do? I could go on a diet , which I am planning on cutting back on certain things any way ,because I don't want to die, But I am not good at diets . In the past I have always been more active , but I had more time too & it seems like Florida just gets hotter . It is so hard to get motivated when you are facing a 90 degree day and you would like to go running , but if you go outside for like 5 minutes & stand still the sweat pours off of you .
I think I need a colder climate , & frankly Global warming scares the crap out of me especially when it is so hot here I can barely stand it. I should add to my list my own lethargy & an appetite for pork sandwiches.
I guess I am going to have to find a way to get some exercise ; tomorrow.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Good Night

As usual I am awake a lot later than I need to be . Given the present time, I am probably not going to make it to church this week either (it is a bit of a challenge anyway because Johanna has been going to a later service since the first one is at 8:30 a.m. ) I haven't made it to a service in weeks.
The odd thing about it is , I used to equate my church service attendance with my closeness to God , I don't really feel that way any more. Maybe this is just my way of absolving myself of any guilt over skipping . But I work mostly nights , I definitely have some sleep deprivation issues going on and the only service I can make it to I am going to have to go to alone , because no one else is going to get up to go with me & then I will not see my family for the entire day because I close almost every Sunday night.
So , are these just excuses? Probably. Will I make to church in the morning? I doubt it . I could go to a slightly later service at the church I used to attend , I will keep that in mind , but once again the issue of not even seeing my family for the whole day. Sounds silly probably , But I hate that .
any way I should sleep . Good night .

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Date Night

Last night Johanna & I got a night out for the first time in a while . Grandma kept the kids overnight so we went back home , had a nap and then went out to dinner. We went to a new sushi place that just opened up about 5 weeks ago , it was awesome.
Johanna got this roll called "Deep Rising" that had spicy octopus salad & shrimp inside and I ordered the "Godzilla " with spicy tuna,crab asparagus, avocado,cream cheese,scallion ,massago and a spicy mayo mixed with eel sauce . They roll it then fry it tempura style, cut it and garnish with the mayo massago & scallion. I can't remember when I had a better sushi roll.
The company was excellent as well . We have had our problems recently, but I really do enjoy spending time with my wife . She is beautiful ,funny ,gentile ,kind and really smart. She is probably much smarter than I am in a lot of ways.
It was a really relaxing evening then we watched a movie she got from the library about two Italian brothers who are failing with their restaurant even though the older brother is a really fantastic chef .
It kind of resonated something you learn after being in the business for a while , you can serve crappy food and be successful. You can also have the best food in the world and fail. There are a lot of factors but ,mostly it is 1 accommodating people and giving them what they want 2 advertising . You could have terrible food but a prime time television add can bring lots of business.
Any way , I had a much needed date with my wife & I think she liked it too . I am really glad we get to do that every once in a while .

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Ungrateful ME

It's late , Johanna is asleep , little kids are all at Grandma's tonight . I am starting to feel better about life . I think that I have been taking things a little too seriously . My life is not that bad , there are so many people in other places even in this country who are doing so much worse than me , I have been very ungrateful for all that I do have. I have a wonderful family , they may not always like each other but I love them all . I also have food for myself and my house , heck we even have air conditioning when it isn't frozen up . I have a good job (there are people with degrees who aren't doing as well as I am ) I may not make a lot of money , but I make a lot more than I did a while back . Just a couple of years ago I was a dishwasher making $6.50 per hour & going home at night to a work release center . I was able to work , but I slept in prison every night. So things have come a long way for me in a few short years. I never thought I would have another girlfriend , much less another child. Here I am Calvin is truly a gift from God ,as are all of the kids that live here and for the most part Johanna and I have a great relationship. It's not perfect , but we do really enjoy each other most of the time.
I was at work tonight ( I closed ) and after every one was gone I was thinking about these things & praying asking God to help me to love my job , to really be grateful for it.. I have had some pretty lousy jobs, when I was in prison I was so happy to work for free, for something to do, now I am paid pretty well and I let it really aggravate me at times . It is so strange how your perspective changes the way you feel about things. I remember getting out of prison and not feeling free at all. I was under tremendous stress from the moment I got out . I almost wanted to stay in , but it is a lot better now . Even if I am depressed I am glad I'm not there anymore .
So God has done a lot in my life . He has changed me , He has given me a life that I never thought I would have. He has changed my view on so many things ,the way I talk the way I act the way I think(most of the time , I still wrestle with anger & violent thoughts ) there are so many people in the world who don't have it nearly as easy as I do . So , I am going to try to keep an attitude of gratitude .
Lord , thank you for all you have done in my life . Thank you for the ways that you have changed me, and for all you have given me . I could not achieve any of this on my own. I love you as unfaithful as I am at times I know where my help comes from and I just want to take this time to thank you again for the love and the favor you have poured out on me and on my family . I lift up all of my kids I lift up Johanna that you would pour out your love on each of them in a way that they would know that you are real and they would all come into a closer walk with you . I also ask that you would heal Tim, that he could stay out of the hospital and find a treatment program that would keep him , so he can be a productive member of society. Lord wrap you arms around him and surround him with your angels. I know he feels lost and alone , let him know you are there . And lastly Lord I ask that you would change my heart , help me to love more purely , more blindly ,more ; to be more like you Lord so I will know peace . Thank you . Amen