Friday, January 11, 2008

The journey

Today was a good day. I mean it could have been worse. I was at work all day and I guess it was ok. I pretty much just deal with my job right now . I never really had a dream f being a restaurant manager I just ended up doing it so I could use what skills I do have to make a little more money than I was making. Since we have a household of 6 people right now and was 7 at one time, I felt we needed the security of that salary.
I guess there is no real point to this dialog except that I feel more and more that maybe there is something else I should be doing. The problem I guess is that I have made so many bad choices in my life that I don't have a lot of options.
I keep getting this sense that I'm not living out my faith the way I am meant to. I try to be as real as I can, not easy in the restaurant biz. It's actually part of the job to kind of fake like you love every person that comes in with money. Sometimes I really like my job, sometimes I really hate it.

I wonder how contextual my role in this place is. Does what I do every day make any difference at all in the world? Does my life make any sense in relation to the kingdom of God? I wonder.
I know that God is real, I know from personal experience that He cares about me. While He owes me nothing, not even an explanation or any kind of demonstration, He has taken the time and initiative to show me certain things , like for instance, love. So here I am , I find my self in a place where for the most part I did not plan on wondering if in fact God can use this mess that is my life. I think I already know He can, it just seems impossible to me sometimes. I wonder how many people feel the same way I do right now? I am confident that this is not the end of the story and that there are great things ahead. I just have really bad vision at times.


Ericka said...

Oh Shaun, everyone struggles with these questions. (And that's a sympathy "Oh Shaun," not the intonation one would use with an annoying child). It's actually ben a big question in my life for the past couple of years - what I do is pretty cool, but I often feel that I'm just wasting time and resources on a job that doesn't help anyone. But you make such a difference in the lives of your family (and my sister & nephews), and the things that you guys did for thanksgiving and Christmas in your community were so important to the recipients in your community. I'm noy much for religion, but God has given you you the circumstances that you have, and only expects you to try to find ways to do good. And in true Lutheran fashion, I think it's the struggle that you go through, both externally and internally that is the stuff of redemption. I hope you're not too down lately, & that I'll catch you on msngr soon (or you'll catch me :)

Joel Spencer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joel Spencer said...

Just stopping by for the first time and wanted to encourage you. I've been studying Saul (pre-conversion Paul) and I believe that exactly what the Lord spoke to him is what He is speaking to us today, "rise up, begin the journey and all that you should do will be told to you.” (Acts 9:6)

So, it seems that you've risen up and you're on the journey... the rest is all up to Him.

WaynO said...

Shaun, I am not sure why but feel the need to respond. You are remarkable if you have come from what is here. Life is never an easy task and temptation is always knocking on the door.
About temptation, it is not always to do bad but sometimes just to give up. Been there done that, usually there usually doing that.
My two philosophies that seem to get me through --- it will end and something new will begin & just keep on keepin on.
Not great and prophetic but seem to help me.
Hang in there and will be praying for you.