Today was a good day. I mean it could have been worse. I was at work all day and I guess it was ok. I pretty much just deal with my job right now . I never really had a dream f being a restaurant manager I just ended up doing it so I could use what skills I do have to make a little more money than I was making. Since we have a household of 6 people right now and was 7 at one time, I felt we needed the security of that salary.
I guess there is no real point to this dialog except that I feel more and more that maybe there is something else I should be doing. The problem I guess is that I have made so many bad choices in my life that I don't have a lot of options.
I keep getting this sense that I'm not living out my faith the way I am meant to. I try to be as real as I can, not easy in the restaurant biz. It's actually part of the job to kind of fake like you love every person that comes in with money. Sometimes I really like my job, sometimes I really hate it.
I wonder how contextual my role in this place is. Does what I do every day make any difference at all in the world? Does my life make any sense in relation to the kingdom of God? I wonder.
I know that God is real, I know from personal experience that He cares about me. While He owes me nothing, not even an explanation or any kind of demonstration, He has taken the time and initiative to show me certain things , like for instance, love. So here I am , I find my self in a place where for the most part I did not plan on wondering if in fact God can use this mess that is my life. I think I already know He can, it just seems impossible to me sometimes. I wonder how many people feel the same way I do right now? I am confident that this is not the end of the story and that there are great things ahead. I just have really bad vision at times.