Monday, February 04, 2008

a stinky poop place

Tonight seemed like a pretty long night. I was at work from about 12:30 today( I was supposed to go in @ 4 but I was asked to come in early when one cook whined and cried about being there or being sick or something and another one just outright called in). So ( especially after sleeping too late and missing church ) I had a real attitude when I got to work. Did I mention that my wife seem ALOT less than pleased when I left. Add to this that when I got there it wasn't all that busy.
But, we did end up doing a pretty good business for the day. I can't believe I missed church today. Although I think Johanna has all but given up on the idea of going to church with little kids anymore. I really wanted to go today and I missed it. No huge loss I guess, I am sure God will forgive me for a few missed church services. But I really like it there and they have sort of a Sunday school after the main service(which I can never attend because I always work on Sunday) and I was going to go to it this morning because I didn't have to go in till 4, Yeah right.
So I guess I am wondering, what is going on with me? I have stress, we all do.
I am tired a lot of the time, pretty normal for me. I am just in this funk, seems like no one can see the good in me right now. Maybe that is just my perception of how things are, but it makes for a crappy week if you ask me.
Basically, I feel disconnected. Disconnected from God, my family, other people around me, like I just accidentally cut the tether between myself and the mother ship, I am slowly drifting away and there isn't anything to grab or push off of to send me back in that general direction.
It's dark and cold and lonely, you would think by now I would be comfortable in this place.
I'm not. It's a stinky poop place.
The very odd thing about this is, the more isolated I feel , the more of a tendency to isolate myself. Isn't that strange? I really want to go fishing , alone but I am way too tired right now.


Kristen said...

You're in my prayers, Shaun. I understand what you're saying about being isolated. I think that happens to a lot of people - when you're depressed, you tend to withdraw from everyone. When of course the best thing to do would be to reach out and let your friends and family help you.

I don't know if this will help - because when you're down, it's hard to see the good stuff - but my devotion this morning was about asking God to help you see the good, even the fun!, in bad situations. And the verse was from Job 8:21: "He will yet fill your mouth with laughing, and your lips with rejoicing."

WaynO said...

Don't know what to say except I will put in a prayer for you. Been there and dealt with it in an angry violent way. Not good!!!!!!!

shaun said...

Thanks for the prayers and encouragement. I feel a bit better than I did. Just life getting to me again I guess. :D

Johanna said...

I wasn't mad at you, baby, I probably would have done the same thing in your place. Just disappointed that we lost the afternoon together. And I like having a com padre in the stinky poop place myself.

Kristen said...

So I'm tagging you and Johanna for a meme when you have a chance. You can check out the details on my latest posting (2/8). You're in my prayers!

Kansas Bob said...

I like this this quote from author John Eldredge:

"The story of your life is the story of the journey of your heart through a dangerous and beautiful world. It's the story of the long and sustained assault on your heart by the Enemy who knows who you could be ... and fears you. But it's also the story of the long and mysterious pursuit of your heart by the God who knows you truly and loves you deeply."

Times that you describe are the hardest on our hearts. Finding people and things that feed and strengthen our hearts are really important as we navigate through life.

Hang in there Shaun.