Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Hope

This is going to be short because I am up too late once again. It seems like weeks since I have slept an appropriate amount. So many thoughts and my own emotions keeping me up at night. Not to mention the internet. Not that I have been productive in any way on the net. I just read a bunch of blogs go through a bunch of crap on ebay & craigslist that I don't need and don't buy .
I haven't posted in quite a while and the last one was kind of negative . I apologize for that. My Sister-in-law made me realize today that I am being a jerk. Yes my life is kind of screwed up, my son wants me to kill him and I feel at least 100 years old, but I am alive and I have people who love me and we had a London broil for dinner( with my wife's recent vegetarian-esqe diet that is a feat) .
I am struggling with my everyday life, but I am not giving up. My son is probably going to a house , normally for run-aways but for kind of a relax and regroup session. Actually it is a definite, he will go tomorrow. I am sad that this is what it takes , but our family counselor said that this is good and a sign there are still things here to work with. I hope he's right, because I feel like I am going to snap on my kid and that is not a good feeling. Maybe this time will be good for us all.

3 comments:

Kansas Bob said...

Life was a nightmare filled with runaways, jail and drugs when my son was in high school. I was forced to do things that I never dreamed I would ever have to do. It was gut wrenching and it broke my heart to have to live in that reality. So I relate a little to what might be happening Shaun.

What changed for our family was me.. when I stopped allowing fear (of what would happen to him) to control me I began to live a bit more.. and things eventually got better with my son.. here is an excerpt from today's email from my 27 year old warrior son:

"I am glad I can talk to you about these things and that you understand."

Hang in there Shaun.. over time things will get better. Feel free to email me any time you need to vent.

Blessings, Bob

WaynO said...

No words of wisdom here, just praying for you and your family. WaynO

Cheryl said...

I'll be praying for you too..