Thursday, January 22, 2009

SO, I am like all neurotic & stuff; or just scared.

I guess I am not a very good blogger..
I haven't posted in a while, mostly because of the stuff I am trying to sort out in my life.
Still things are kind of a mess and I feel like I am on the brink of total destruction.
I mean I found an add today, for a dishwasher( at a steakhouse) that was for $7.50 an hour and specified that you have NO CRIMINAL BACKGROUND.
Seriously folks, this is a crappy job. What the hell?
Are things really as bleak as this? Just because someone has made a few mistakes (or even one) they can't get a crappy dish washing job at a steakhouse?

I am really hopeful about the future of our country. But speaking as an ex-felon I really hope that all employers don't get this fearful and never hire anyone who has a conviction.
I mean let's just consider the natural consequences of this type of thinking.
If we all say that people who have committed a crime in the past are too risky or not worthy of employment, what will happen?
You take people who have crossed the line in the past and you stigmatize them to the point that they can't support themselves and what, don't we realize that eventually it will be too much for that person to bare?
Isn't that a form of discrimination? Sure, I can see when laws are in place that make it illegal for a violent convicted felon to do certain jobs. I can understand that. But if they can't get a job even doing dishes, what will they do? What is to keep them from turning to crime to try to survive?
I guess I take it personally when people shut me down before they even really talk to me. Hey I will be the first to admit that I made some mistakes, but I'm no threat to anyone and I have a family to support.
What if I lose my job, I am glad I haven't but I have evidence that points to the fact that at least one person wants me to lose my job, and I really don't know why.
I don't know what I have done wrong to this person and the way they are trying to get rid of me seems very underhanded.
Today I put in about 10 applications to various jobs. I have not one good lead on a new job or even a part time second job. Well, maybe one but that's about it and I don't know what it will pay yet.
I had been very fortunate, I worked hard and was promoted shortly out of prison and I was able to get a really good job, then leave that one and go right into another. I really thought that this was the best choice for me, this last job I took. I am home every night, it's a very peaceful environment and the pay isn't bad. Now it's all about politics (something I have never been good at). I hate games, this is my life not a game. I am so worried about getting laid off or fired for no good reason and not being able to find something else. I also worry about losing this place, My wife & kids love it here and I like it. We got out of the neighborhood that made my wife nervous because of the drug and gang activity, this is such a better place for the boys. If I lose the job, it's pretty likely I won't be able to stay here and that sucks. But I am trying really hard to trust that what is best will happen and if that means we have to leave then I will try to make the best of it. But I won't like it, and I will try really hard not to hate the people who are making it their personal business to sabotage my life and my families well being.
Because I feel like I have put much love into my work and I have grown into a relationship with several of the monks that I work for. I know that most of them are happy with the job I am doing. But what ever happens happens.
I hope you all have a great night.
Peace

3 comments:

Suztash said...

Shaun,
I am praying for you and the family, of course. Sometimes we have to abandon ourselves, our future, all that we have into God's hands and trust Him. I have been learning over this past year that His way is perfect. He actually does work things out in ways we would never expect, and they are always better than we could have hoped for. Try to lean on His wisdom and strength. In the end, that's all we can do, when we've done everything else on our own and in our own strength. We have God alone to run to, lean on, and take refuge in. Leave it all in His hands and try to rest in Him. God loves you and your family infinitely more and better than anyone else could and desires His best for you all. You're in my prayers. God bless, Sue

Kansas Bob said...

This made my heart glad when I read it:

"I have put much love into my work"

I sense that in you Shaun and pray that a great opportunity will open for you.

Tera Rose said...

ok, you didn't ask for my opinion, but I have a thought or two.

I too, am horrible at work politics. I don't get it. Ever.

you have to find your way, but let me share what has helped me.
don't look for work yet, go directly to that person who is sabortaging you. It's hard. It has really worked for me though.

I asked the person if there was a problem that they had with me- because I felt something was wrong between us, and i was really wanting for us to become friends...

seriously.

it was a total lie. but it worked. and we are friends.

sometimes breaking the ice, pulling things into the light without blame - just asking if everything is ok- pulls down the barrier.

I'd be humble too, talk a lot about my kids and the economy and my fears of not being able to support them. People are less mean to someone who is human. They can take advantage and take out all their issues on someone that they have dehumanized.

I would also strengthen my crediblity with those that like me. Spend time with them, doing what they ask quickly...and asking them if there is any way I could improve myself at work....again, talking about my beautiful children, the economy and how worried I am about feeding them.

There was a horrible situation recently at work- a real division between two leaders who both tried to suck me in to their side. I like the one more- who does not have the bosses ear- so I stayed neutral without either knowing. The one I like is being investigated because the one I don't is behind your back slimy. But he thinks I adore him- and frankly- I am about the only person not in that chopping block that he lined up.

ok I am saying too much- i used to live open and honestly- but people at work don't like open and honesty- not in the way where you share about your self kind of way.


fight for your job if it is that good- but find smart ways to fight wisely. The economy isn't good- so dishwashes have to fight for the crumbs....

try not to give up your job before the time is over....

ok, off my pedastal....if you lived closer, you could wash my dishes, god knows they need it and i don't care about your past.

i just couldn't pay ya, but I could feed you. lol