Sunday, July 13, 2008

Regrets My Version

Jeff posted today about regrets. He really got me thinking and man I have a lot of thoughts racing around right now. I Can't help but think that who I am is the sum of my regrets.
I almost posted/said some things today that I would no doubt regret. I am really glad it didn't go quite like that and I am feeling fairly good about life right now.
What that doesn't mean is that I have no regrets. I have a ton. I have hurt the ones I love numerous times and ruined my own life several times as well. I almost lost my freedom for good a few years back.
Mostly I am not a great big brainy guy who reads tons of books or even has a detailed theology that I follow. I was fairly immersed in the Southern baptist traditions as a child an I have a pretty good grasp on the basics of their theology. But mostly I write from my personal experience. I am probably never going to be the one who can link all of these historical events to what is happening now. I think my attention span is too short for that any way( I am amazed that I can actually finish a book that is more than 100 pages ).
Any way , sort of the point of this is getting lost here. some of my regrets are constant reminders to me, of grace. Grace that was given to me once I understood how undeserving I am.
Before, I was proud. Sometimes I still am even with everything that has happened. But thank God He is patient and kind and loves me any way. I can't really prove it, most people would look at my life and think I am far less than privileged and things aren't really that great. But things could be a lot worse than they are. Yeah I live in a crappy trailer in a crappy neighborhood where there are gang symbols painted on the street. I have had to deal with a lot, but I deserve nothing.
God has given me a chance right now to treasure what is important and to try to take care of the ones I love and not just get by. It is so cool the way God makes himself known to me. Like this job I just got. I wasn't planning on changing jobs
But because of certain events at my job my Supervisor and Store manager were both fired and I was marked to be fired. The only thing that kept me from being fired was the guy who was supposed to still have a job, walked out just minutes before I went in on my day off to confront them about why they were firing me and why the staff knew even though I didn't.
But the crazy thing is, I had a job offer before I even knew that I was supposed to be fired.
And it turns out that starting out , this job is a pay cut, but it's only 40 hours a week and I am home every night and I have tomorrow off. I haven't had Sundays off in some time.
This job also comes with health insurance, that's something I haven't had in a while either.
The strangest thing about this is it is for the Catholic church. I am cooking for monks at an abbey. I think it's really odd that this would be the job offer I get. After all I have just about stopped going to church at all lately and I have no faith any more in institutional churches, so I get a job working for the great grand dad of all of those western denominations. Pretty cool huh?
God is amazing!!


sandwhichisthere said...

your post brought back old memories. When I was in high school I got a job working at a large Catholic institution. It was in the kitchen, a very large room with white walls and white ceilings. I got the job because several of my buddies worked there. It was a Catholic college run by the Little Sisters of Absolutely No Mercy. Everything went well until the day of The Great Sliced Beet Fight. We were all requested to find some other place to perform our boyish pranks. I will say that they were very nice to work for, polite and usually understanding. We were all Catholic. I don't know if that was a prerequisite for employment but the Catholic Church does seem to agree with the U.S. Army dogtags in their view of Southern Baptists.
I asked one of the Sisters once about the difference of creeds and I was astounded by her answer, "Remember your love for humanity. Forget all of the rest.".
You will enjoy being at a monastery, the peace is overwhelming and the sense of brotherhood is something that the outside world is severely lacking. They do tend to tipple and smoke a bit but that is their way. At least I share part of their way.

Kansas Bob said...

Cool about how the new job materilized.. hope it works out well Shaun!

WaynO said...

Just great to hear things are moving in a positive way. I am always amazed when my life finally seems to be going with God.
Grace and Peace, WaynO