it's me

Ok , I give up .I want to apologize for the post I did have up here . I was feeling really sorry for myself and was pretty much just venting . The fact is, a lot of the time I feel pretty powerless an I an one heck of a placation artist not to mention a pretty decent enabler. So every once in a while when it looks as if things might fall apart I get kind of despondent.
Things could be worse than they are & I think Johanna is not going to leave me now . But one can never really be sure can they ?
I guess I have been hurt one too many times to believe that any one is all that devoted to me.
Today I went back to work after yet another day off. It wasn't a bad night . I wish I didn't work so many nights but it wasn't bad .
I also learned tonight that the guy who got my promotion at the job I recently left, got fired.
I am not happy that he got fired, I really like him and he is more qualified for the job than me .I am really pissed off though that they did this . First of all, I was told I had this job. Second , They told me they couldn't promise me that I would be able to get a raise in the semi near future. So I left , on good terms , but I did leave .
I plan on just dropping by to see what they are doing for a kitchen manager now , maybe they will come with some sort of offer for me . but then again , at this point I would need a really good offer to go back . I do miss it , that place was mine . I had my recipes on the menu and I had moved up from a cook to a supervisor to assistant KM . Any way I feel really bad that they fired the man . Even though I am kind of upset about the way they handled this whole thing , there is a tiny part inside me that wishes they would try to get me to go back . But for now , I am still a BBQ man .
Oh God , please forgive me for my selfish , self centered attitude and for not trusting you . You have provided so much , more than I need and all my family needs . I pray Lord you won't take them from me or let me be so pig headed that I lose them on my own.
Help me Lord , to focus on you , not like I have been (in my despair) but to just acknowledge you and to give you the credit that you deserve . Thank you for your unbelievable patience with me Lord .
Amen