Thinking today about what I have to live for. Mostly because I don't feel like I have much. There are my kids, I guess that's a reason although it seems like they don't care too much.
I am on vacation, a sort of unexpected one. I did want it but I thought I had to move it so I wasn't planning on it then I got it, and I am getting paid but I am pretty broke for this vacation, makes it a lot more boring.
So I need to find something else to live for.
8/26 I am still in a dark place, not as bad as a few days ago and it will get better.
I have to remember I do have my kids and a few good friends. At times it seems really pointless though. I mean like everything. I want to be better, but for what? I want to organize my life, but no one will notice or care. I want to go back to school and it looks like I am, even though it seems futile to start on a degree at this age. It's the past, I can't completely let go. All the broken promises and pain, makes me feel old, makes me wonder if I will ever really be happy. There are moments, times when I can let go of everything and be "in the moment" as cliche as that sounds I find it to be true.
I guess that's the trick really. I still believe in God, but in my faith I feel misunderstood. There are very few people I can ever discuss God with and be honest about it. Well maybe that's not the way to put it, there are few I can talk to about God and not have to bite my tongue, a lot.
So there it is man, the good thing is, Blogging is pretty much dead, so not many people will read this