Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Thinking today about what I have to live for. Mostly because I don't feel like I have much. There are my kids, I guess that's a reason although it seems like they don't care too much.
        I am on vacation, a sort of unexpected one. I did want it but I thought I had to move it so I wasn't planning on it then I got it, and I am getting paid but I am pretty broke for this vacation, makes it a lot more boring.
 So I need to find something else to live for.

8/26   I am still in a dark place, not as bad as a few days ago and it will get better.
     I have to remember I do have my kids and a few good friends. At times it seems really pointless though. I mean like everything. I want to be better, but for what?  I want to organize my life, but no one will notice or care. I want to go back to school and it looks like I am, even though it seems futile to start on a degree at this age. It's the past, I can't completely let go. All the broken promises and pain, makes me feel old, makes me wonder if I will ever really be happy. There are moments, times when I can let go of everything and be "in the moment" as cliche as that sounds I find it to be true.
 I guess that's the trick really. I still believe in God, but in my faith I feel misunderstood. There are very few people I can ever discuss God with and be honest about it. Well maybe that's not the way to put it, there are few I can talk to about God and not have to bite my tongue, a lot.
           So there it is man, the good thing is, Blogging is pretty much dead, so not many people will read this


KC Bob said...

I resonate with you more than you know Shaun. This past season of my life really sucks. I have plenty to be thankful for but there is so much that gets me down. So hang in there old friend. And shoot me an email (kansasbob at gmail.com) if you'd like to chat.

Blessings, Bob

Anonymous said...

I have discovered that the meaning of life is having a relationship with Jesus...does that mean my life is perfect now, no, it never will be perfect on this side of glory, but it's definitely getting better. No one else or nothing else can give you the peace and joy and love that you crave...seek Him and ask Him to become real to you and He will, if you ask with all your heart...

Julietta said...

go onto iherb.com and look for Methyl Guard plus (vit b balanced perfectly) and magnesium. avoid gluten. read books. these are my cure