Saturday, October 06, 2007


It's about 9:30 a.m. here , I woke up not feeling very good , but it's normal.
I did spend some time reading devotions and the Bible and I am feeling better than I was.I was reading John 14 , Jesus promises that he won't leave us as orphans.
I was looking at the way verse 8 was translated in other versions and here is what I found :comfortless, orphans, alone, fatherless, desolate & bereaved.
I thought this was an interesting set of words and was thinking about the times when I have felt most alone. There have been plenty, sometimes it was just my perception, others I was truly alone. The thing that I remember most is how much worse it was to just perceive that I was alone and fatherless. the thoughts in my head seem to always be the biggest obstacles in my life.
Far worse are my imagined dangers that ever present fear that can grip me seemingly out of nowhere.
The biggest change in my life is that the fear takes hold much less often than it used to , and now when I do feel that icy grip , I have this assurance that I am not alone I know who I need to talk to, I know where my help comes from . Even though I see that for the most part nothing changes. Most of the people I pray for never change or things do not get any better for (them that I can see), but this peace inside (seems crazy to describe it) but it's there for no explainable logical reason. Still I am comforted beyond reason.
Maybe I am crazy , there is a distinct possibility that I am chemically imbalanced. Or, perhaps; Jesus meant what he said and even though I don't deserve it , he gives it to me anyway. Could happen.

1 comment:

Johanna said...

You are the least crazy, least chemically imbalanced person I know, and what you think you feel is most likely what is actually happening.I love you.