Monday, December 10, 2007

Old Souls

I just learned of this girl who ,in my opinion, has a very old soul. Amy Winehouse is a jazz/contemporary singer that I had never heard of before today.I am sort of out of the loop so to speak(I really don't watch t.v. and I mostly listen to christian radio when I do) I don't learn about a lot of trends until some one else tells me about it , or like today I stumble upon something that piques my interest.
I saw this article, about her mom issuing a plea for her to come home and they would help her get well.
Mrs. Winehouse, I can relate. I Have a son, 20 years old. that's him in the foreground. He has a drug problem,further complicated by his diabetes. He was diagnosed at 18 months old , so it has nothing to do with anything he (or we ) did or didn't do about his health. He was just chosen to have diabetes. It has been a heartbreaking road. I still find myself dealing wit conflicting emotions about him. I love my son, I really wish I could trust him. I wish I could take the desire to get high away from him. He has stolen from every member of his family and gotten himself into trouble and seems to have no concern for anyone around him. I watched this video and it made me sad. Because I see my son in those eyes. Amy is 4 years older than my son Tim , I think their generation is crying out for help that we aren't sure how to give. I can't wave a magic wand and make this world less sad. I can't fix every broken thing. I can't change the past , I know that we as parents hurt our kids(I know I hurt Tim) but we can't change the past, we can only move forward.
I know that I have failed my kids in many ways over the years. I have always loved them and I have always wanted a good life them, yes even for Tim , even now.
How did these kids get to this point? How does such despair grip someone so young ? What is it that hurts this bad? It hurts me to see the pain in my son's eyes or to hear the pain in the voice of such a beautiful young girl. Why can't they see that they have a future? It's not over yet, there is a life out there for you.

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