Today was a strange day for me. I'm not sure what is going on with me, but I feel like God is pulling on me in some way that I can't really figure out yet. What is it I am supposed to be doing?
I know that Something is going on here, I just don't see what my role is in this place where God has placed me. I can feel it , there is some thing , there is a purpose in all this madness. I have been listening to this series of talks about being missional and incarnational. This Michael Frost from Australia has been saying some things that are ringing true in my spirit. I can't deny that a lot in my own life must change and I find myself asking this question ,"Who am I?" . I don't really know, I know God has changed me I know that He has shown me favor in this life and has allowed some really hard (but maybe necessary) things to happen in my life.
So, I find myself here. Not a lot of planning went into this on my part. I am just trying to make ends meet the best I can I am not in love with my job , I wish I were but I do try to always remember that I am supposed to be holy and sinless. Really tough stuff.
I'm not good at being holy I am not sinless and I find that I really do want for more of the old sinful lifestyle I used to live.Who the hell am I kidding? I am still pretty sinful.
I can say , I love Jesus . I want to be more like him. I can say that I feel a burning passion to help , who ever it may be at different times with the things they need. I guess there are just times when I feel paralyzed, by my own guilt and shame, by my shortcomings. I am so not like Jesus, how am I supposed to be him to someone else? I really don't know, I pray that God will give me some direction in that.
Seems really complicated , but it's not it's just really hard.
Well , I am going to go get ready for church then I will go to work and try to be like Jesus . Especially on Sunday's it can be really tough to do with all that "church" crowd coming in leaving tracts and giving servers $2 tips for a $30 check. I am supposed to say ,"hey we aren't all like that , I don't look down on you ." But to follow actions that solidify the not yet Christian's position about Christianity or "church " people is pretty hard and it can get tiring
Peace be with you