Monday, April 14, 2008

I'm glad God's not mad that I didn't go to church today..

Yeah, uh , I didn't make it to church (again) today...
I did have an ok day, I had to work ( as usual ) but, I didn't have to pick up one tract or defend my belief in Jesus as the Christ.. I did get pretty aggravated at one point and used some unsavory language. Actually , twice ( the second time was when I was alone though ) ..
I did get to see my wife and kids this morning ( all but my 15 year old son who was at his mom's and my 20 year old who is in jail but was just sentenced to 6 months in Cardinal house which is a drug treatment , life skills and psychiatric treatment center in ST PETE. )
But my 15 year old was here when I got home , I was really glad about that.
It was a long day , I am pretty tired. I will have to do it again tomorrow, only it will be worse.
But, that's ok. I'm used to this I guess.. Right now work is easier than home, not that home is all that bad , I'm just never quite sure where I stand and it seems like most of the people I really care about would probably just walk away from me if they didn't depend on me to help meet their needs.
I wonder how I got here? How do I get out of here?
This is not the life I want. But do any of us really get that? I mean does that happen really?
I'm not convinced, they nod & say yes, but I doubt it.
My ex-wife thought she would have the life she wanted ... Sad long story , but not what she wanted..
I don't know personally very many people who are actually happy.. Do these people exist?
I'm not sure..
I'm just glad that God understands and is with me. Because frankly, right now, this sucks and if I didn't believe that God is with me and does love me and has a purpose for my life that I just can't see right now because of all the crap, I would consider just blowing my brains all over this keyboard..

Yeah, I'm glad God's not mad that I didn't go to church today..


Kansas Bob said...

"I wonder how I got here? How do I get out of here?"

One step at a time.

Finding contentment in the middle of this trial has to be so difficult Sean.. grace to you as you do.

Blessings, Bob

sandwhichisthere said...

Shaun, no one is angry that you didn't go to church, as if church is the only place that God is. I believe in God but I don't believe in religion. Did you ever see the movie "Fiddler on the Roof"? Tevya carried on a constant conversation with God but I don't remember him ever going to church. Life just is and it is what we make of it. Pick out the little things to be happy for and let the big things go. Seeing your son when you came home must have been a happy thing. Don't set the bar too high.
I live by this, when I go to bed I pray:
God, thank you for freedom from pain,
thank you for a full belly,
thank you for a warm place to sleep.
That is enough, don't set the bar too high. Think back to your worst time. How does life compare now?
To lighten things up, this is a Walter Cronkite joke. Not many people know that he has a very dry sense of humor.

"Two Irishmen walk out of a bar.
It's possible!".

WaynO said...

Love the Walter Cronkite thing. Shaun gettin by is a gift, gettin things to work takes the same -- work.
Life is up and down much like a roller coaster, at least for me. When things are up I can't see them going any higher. But man when they go down I find I am absolutely at the bottom.
I talked with a man who doesn't believe in Hell and said that the bad times are just God absent, if I got what he said.
A Psalm came to mind --- woops left my mind, but the words are still here, "Where can I go from you, if I soar to the highest heaven you are there, if I sink to the lowest of Sheol you are there as well.
Hang on to "God is with me" I know that has helped me many times even thought believing it has been difficult.
Better stop for now, prayin for you.
Grace and Peace WaynO

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