Thursday, March 06, 2008

there is nothing good to say

Right now , I totally hate my life. I wish it wasn't like this . But, it is.
I know it could be worse, Not having an easy time seeing that right now. I guess today is just one more shining example of how much I miss the mark, my laziness, my inadequacies, my general lack of life skills.
Yeah so I'm not the greatest parent, Who is? Show me some great example of the perfect parent and I'll show you some one who knows how to lie pretty good and has some skeletons in their closet. I feel pretty hurt and pretty mean right now. I guess for me they go hand in hand.
Maybe some sort of defense mechanism?
Yeah , you know I dropped out of high school, did a bunch of drugs, got married to young ,ended up in prison, alienated my kids, family and everyone else that mattered to me. Looks like I have finally screwed things up here until my new wife is pretty sick of me too. Well , I guess that is how my life is going to go.
I really thought that we had something that would endure, we are so strangely suited for each other. But I have one skill and that is messing everything up. So here I go again. The one woman who was Just nuts enough to want to make it with me through this life is tired of my crap too. Can't say as I really blame her.

4 comments:

Kansas Bob said...

Sorry for this dark season Shaun. Remember that it is only when
we are weak that we can be strong
.

Kristen said...

Shaun: Please know that you and J are both in my prayers always. I'm really sorry that things are so bad right now.

WaynO said...

Praying for you, couldn't stop thinking and praying for you all day yesterday. Will keep at it today and for Johanna too. Miss the reading about your life and dreams together. the thought of them brings a glimmer of hope that things will improve. WaynO

shaun said...

Thanks so much for the encouragement.
I feel pretty good tonight. But not much has changed. I did drag Jacob out for a few hours tonight and I think that helped me some, then Johanna & I talked for a while. Not really about much that is going on, but it was talking.
God Bless You All!!!