GOATS, GOD & LOVE

This is Cocoa, he is a Nigerian dwarf goat and hopefully will be the father of coming Nigerian dwarf goats. We shall see what happens.
We also just got this other goat, as far as I know she is not named as of yet . I guess we are still working on a name. But, she is beautiful.

I am extremely happy to report that Cocoa has calmed down a lot ever since this baby girl arrived. There are a couple of female goats on the property across from us and I think this scent has partially driven him mad along with the fact that he came from a place where he had other goats to do goat stuff with. Cocoa has been a lonely boy for a couple of months(Oh he has dogs, but I don't think he really likes them much) and then there are a bunch of chickens ( more of an annoyance to him than companionship) .
So this is on our quest to live a slightly greener life by growing some of our own food and such. Hopefully baby girl goat will provide us with precious milk and we may or may not keep more goats. Also something still to be determine.

My wife is off with our neighbor this morning, being Jesus to people in need again.
One thing I love about her, she does this incarnational God thing kind of naturally. She would probably deny it, but to me that is what it is. She is always talking about being spiritually inferior to other people ( or eluding to their low opinions of her) but she just does it. She has her problems, but don't we all? Even those spiritually superior people ( of which I may be included in at times) are guilty of not loving her when they are looking at her as less than them.
Jesus said it so simply , as you have done unto the least of these. I think it's too simple for us sometimes. We are like," that can't be it" but, that's it... Love, That is all..

What's important? Really.

That's what I am asking myself today.
I did take some time for myself and with my 15 year old today I think it helped me to clear my mind somewhat. I am thinking about this Question," What would Jesus tell me to do right now?"
I really don't know for sure, but I think it has to do with love.
One thing that keeps coming into my mind the last few days is how to love. What do I need to do to love? How is that even possible? It seems really hard to not react with the urge that is inside me. An urge that pushes me toward an agenda of self-preservation. The urge that tells me to defend myself. No one can do that to me , they must not know who I am. I have been to the land of Killas & Gorillas and I lived, thrived even. I can be strong I have had to, don't make me prove it.
My natural reaction. My Flesh?
I think this is NOT what Jesus would do. I could try and justify what I want to do, in the ears of most people that I know pretty much anything I would do would be justified. But then there were people who told me I was justified in the Severe injuries I gave to the man I went to prison over .
That is another reminder as well, of how strong I was, how self sufficient how PROUD.
I am a living testimony of how pride comes before a fall. Check it out it's in proverbs somewhere.

Maybe If I can love , just simply love and not react in some irrational, emotional way I will get my family back. Maybe not.
Maybe My ends aren't the purpose of this at all. Maybe I will lose them all for good .
but , maybe, I might; learn something.
How to love. in the face of adversity, in the middle of my personal crisis I might learn to let that go and actually rely on God.
I mean I doubt I will actually learn ( given my track record) But, it could happen. ....