Wednesday, May 28, 2008

This really sucks

I'm feeling kind of unsatisfied with my life right now. I know that there are lots of people in the world who have it much worse than me and I tend to not do a lot about my circumstances, but still.
I feel like my relationship with my 15 year old son is broken beyond repair. Probably not , I mean God can fix anything right? But I'm not even sure why it is so broken to begin with. All I want is for us to have a happy family and to live together in peace. But he has seemingly checked out of family life. Maybe that is sort of normal but I hate it. I hate that my son doesn't trust me or want to spend any of his time with me. I have very limited time to spend and he is always gone, even when he is grounded. I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this I hate this..

This was the kid who wanted to spend time with me. This was the kid who loved me so much. I don't understand. I understand his brother's rebellion. But not this.
Where did I go wrong? What can I do to fix it? Can it be fixed? Is this how it will be forever?
All I know is, this really sucks..
Night

4 comments:

sandwhichisthere said...

Shaun,
do you remember being fifteen? When I was fifteen I was convinced that my Father knew nothing. Only my friends knew what was going on. When I was twenty it was amazing how much he had learned in five years. As I look back now I wish I had followed his guidelines:
1. Never cash your paycheck. Bring it home, sign it, and give it to your wife. That way you both know how much is available and you spend the rest of the week trying to get some of it back.
2. When you get a place to live, put a coathook on the back of the front door. As you come home, hang your cojones on the coathook. You are in charge of protecting your family from everything outside of the front door. Inside the front door, you can only consent to whatever the person in charge suggests. Or, as my Father told me, "Nils, the only time you should open your mouth is to change feet.".
Your son will come around and someday you will be proud to say "That's my boy!". He will be proud to say "That's my Dad!".

Kansas Bob said...

I remember going through a time like your Shaun.. so devastated.. so depressed.. and God seemed to whisper to me saying that it was not about me.. I couldn't take credit for my sons successes and I shouldn't take blame for his failures.

It is hard letting go but letting go is the heart of trusting God. I pray that you will be able to let go a little today.

Blessings, Bob

Mark said...

Praying that God will grant you the patience and wisdom to see your relationship with your son turn into one that will please both of you and God.

Tera Rose said...

:(

did you tell him that you ache this way??

tell him without shame, guilt or expectations-

he may not hear it now- but your seed will remain planted....