Yesterday I went to my 14 year old's 8th grade graduation.It was a spectacle to say the least . I saw for the first time in a long time how very different these kids are , just like kids have always been. How each of them will have their own weaknesses and challenges. some kids were so popular that the whole room pretty much erupted when their name was called , others you hardly even noticed. Made me sad in a way . I am over (for the most part ) the melancholy dreamy desire that my life might have been different . It is what it is .
But , I have 3 younger boys who will all go through these years & there will be obstacles for all of them . I was a loner in school , I think I would have been one of those low impact kids who not too many people even knew who was . There were also the kids who will face physical & mental hurdles . I just felt for all of those kids in there & my own . Life is hard & it generally doesn't get any easier. I hope they all have the sense to see what they have before them & not waste it . But, of course most of them won't ,just like we didn't see it .
I was also thinking about my oldest son. He is far from me, at least in an emotional sense. He lives with his mother who I am divorced from . He is not really doing much with his life an I heard yesterday that he was in the hospital , but I don't know for sure. I just wish there was a way that I could help him with his problems. But, I think part of the problem is all the excuses that have been made for him & all the allowances that have been made for him . I can't help him live better . Most days I don't think I do very well myself. But I do care, it may not seem like it to him , or to others around him , but I do.
So every time something like a Graduation happens or like the funeral of an old friend about 2 weeks ago , I start reflecting on my own life & my own short comings.
I worry about my kids . I know it does no good , but I do just the same.
To some up yesterday , three words ; worry , regret and hope .